Wednesday, January 31, 2007
I will never, not ever, eat a raw oyster, ever
The other day I was talking to my husband about his dislike for lotion. He says that the greasy residue that it leaves is like lard. This immediately reminded me of the time I was forced to eat fresh, homeade lard that my host's cat had just licked. Then I was reminded of all of the disgusting foods I have ever eaten in my life. Most of these foods were consumed while living in another country and I had no choice really, but to eat or commit the ultimate offense. I am not a very adventurous eater, I love good food, but I do not consider myself a "foodie" because I refuse to eat certain things like head cheese and sweetbreads. Oysters are on that list of things I never want to try. The reason that I am so afraid of oysters is because of a little thing called kisiel. Kisiel (pronounced: key-shell) is the Eastern European equivalent of Jell-O. The only difference is that kisiel has the consistency of sputum, yet comes in a variety of different fruity flavors. Imagine my luck to be served gooseberry flavored kisiel one day. Not only was it the color and consistency of snot, but it tasted just like it too. I don't really know how I was able to get it down, because everything in my body said that this should be going up, not down. The gag reflex was in full force as I tried to stuff more cucumber and kielbasa sandwiches down with it, but it still wouldn't go (heave!). My host, seeing my difficulty asked if I would like a drink? Please, even that hibiscus tea would help get this down!!!! But what should she bring?? no it wasn't the old stand-by, hibiscus tea. How about a nice toasty mug of warm milk to wash it down?? Nothing like a little extra mucous production to help things along. I should have hid the stuff in my warm milk, but I didn't want the woman to discover it after I had left. I wanted to feed it to the dog, but he only wanted my kielbasa. My companion was having the same trouble I was, so I couldn't give her my portion. The only choice we had was to slurp it, oyster style, in one big chug. We held our breath, tried to imagine it was a big bowl of ice cream, and down the hatch. It was a fight to the finish, but we came out victorious and lived to tell about it. I have to say that it was the most disgusting or maybe most difficult things I have ever eaten. I have eaten carp that has lived in a bathtub for a few days, then cooked and served with aspic (a close relative of kisiel). I have eaten tripe, which smells and tastes like poop. I have eaten pickled herring, fresh lard, parts of meat that are usually reserved for other uses, raw octopus, grass soup, and some pretty scary things, but none of it compares to kisiel. I imagine raw oysters to be of the same texture as kisiel, so I am never eating one, ever. I know they are a delicacy. I know they are supposedly an aphrodisiac. But I am not eating one. I know I am a wimp, a lightweight when it comes to eating, I know there are those of you out there who have eaten a plethora of more adventurous (read:disgusting/unpalatable) things that can't be touched by my measly selection. So, let's hear it...what are some of the most disgusting things you've ever eaten??